I don’t know what started me off crying 

This morning.

I don’t know what it looks like outside

Wiping tears and drinking water 

Trying to remove the headache

I need to call my Nan today 

But I’m crying 

And she will be crying 

And we will end up crying together 

But I’m exhausted of holding it together 

For other people 

For all the family that are grieving

And mourning 

And I’m there handing out tissues 

Hugging them 

Telling them it will be okay.

If I was selfish I’d of killed myself a few months ago 

But the last thing this family needs is another death

So I wipe my tears 

And practise a smile in the mirror 

I trace my acne on my cheeks

Red raw

And sore 

And get ready for another day 

Of smiles.