On the 15th day of grieving

 On the 15th day of grieving

 

I remember my first day back to work

After taking 14 days of bereavement leave.

 

People looked at me knowingly

with pouted frowns

Looking down

Like there was something wrong with me

They were more uncomfortable

When it was MY dad who lost his life

 

They created the pit in my stomach

They avoided the conversation

Offered Fake smiles

pressed lips with no teeth,

A frown forming

Emotionless eyes

Head slightly low

Bowed down

Feeling sorry for me

 

All I wanted was for someone to crack a joke

Or ask me if I was up to anything

Go for a coffee with me

Like we used to

Like before.

 

I wanted to hear about their pets and their Kids

And what appointments they had coming up.

If they were newly engaged

or expecting

IF they were running late

Or if they were buying cake for their mate

 

I wanted to heart all

 

cause my dad dying didn't change me in that way

I was still the same person who cared.

Grief didn't make me a psycho

I didn't become a bad person

 

You don't need to clutch

your child's hand

when you walk past me.

 

You can ask questions

 

It isn't a secret and I will not fly off the handle and need to be restrained by mentioning it.

 

I won't scream uncontrollably

 

Yeah

it might bring a few tears

But that is human

And real and honest

 

 

But You know what isn't human

Acting differently

Labelling me as fragile or broken

.

And.

apologising for my loss

 

Because in reality I have gained so much

 

Wisdom

Understanding

Emotion

Gratitude

Love & appreciation

For life itself.